The Solution Episode 55

Can you imagine sharing your life with someone for over six decades? Join us as we uncover the secrets behind long-lasting marriages with heartwarming stories and invaluable insights. Craig Dahlen, Josh Goding, and Greg Carter share personal anecdotes about their parents and grandparents, who have celebrated marriages spanning 50, 60, and even 70 years. From the humility and shared commitment in Josh's grandparents' nearly 70-year union to the values imparted by Greg's parents during their 61-year marriage, we explore the foundational elements of love, trust, and unconditional support that make these relationships thrive.

But that's not all—get ready for a deep dive into the importance of communication and commitment. Discover how Dan and Sabrina's whirlwind romance, fueled by three months of virtual communication on Match.com, highlights the power of mutual respect, shared faith, and the freedom to be oneself within a marriage. As we wrap up, we reflect on the perseverance required to weather life's challenges together, celebrating the journey and shared experiences that deepen love and understanding. Join us for an inspiring conversation on nurturing and sustaining a committed relationship over the decades.

Transcript

Relationships

Speaker 1 0:00

All the good things must come to an end. Oh yeah, we're doing good. No one likes us sooner than others.

Speaker 2 0:04

Hey, there's 3, 2, it's 12, 22.

Speaker 1 0:07

Like wow, hey uh.

Speaker 3 0:09

Zoink 20 minutes into the witchy. Now, yeah, hey.

Speaker 2 0:13

Welcome to the Solution. I'm your host, craig Dallin. Here we are, I'm with my two good buddies. We're at the uh. Where are we at? We're at the station tonight, aren't we? Yes, we are Good, greg. How's it going? Good, that clock says 1222 am. We are ready to give our listeners a good show tonight, wow.

Speaker 3 0:34

This morning, I should say Pick up the wrist bitch.

Speaker 2 0:38

Yeah, wow, oh no. Yeah, we're very, very happy to be here tonight. We're going to be talking about positive things tonight, positive things only. Well, we're going to be talking about what does it take to go to your 50-year reunion? Well, your 50 years marriage, wedding anniversary. What's it take to get there? What's it take to get to the 55, 60 to 65 year mark? Well, we're gonna have a couple comments from a nice lovely couple my, my folks, my mom and dad that made it to 65 years. They're still cruising along wow, yeah, that's yep that's awesome.

Speaker 2 1:19

and then we got dan and sabrina. They've uh, they met, you know, they courted, they dated on Facebook for three months, they met one time and they're getting married and I got a nice little interview with them. So that's coming up. It's very romantic.

Speaker 1 1:35

All right, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 1:36

But anyway, my name is Craig Dowell and I'm here with Josh Goeding, I'm here with Greg Carter Hello there, two awesome co-hosts and let's do it. We're talking about love, so what do you guys think Before we go into anything? What do you guys think about when I say something like okay, you're going to be married for 50 years? What stories do you know? What did it take Anybody that you know?

Speaker 3 2:06

what kind of things did it take to get there? My parents talked to my mom about it. She would try to give me advice. You know like, for when that time comes love, trust, being there unconditionally, put out a hundred percent but expect zero percent back. You you know, yeah, as far as for just being there, being a great mother, but always trusting, always loving.

Speaker 2 2:34

Yeah.

Speaker 3 2:35

I don't have all these expectations. Like I did this for you, so you have to do this for me, right? You know, mom was one of those people that she just said hey, you know, you have a mother and a household or a wife. You now created a home.

Speaker 2 2:49

Right, yes.

Speaker 3 2:57

Do you think a family that has kids does that strengthen a marriage? I would say it would have to depend on the family dynamics. I believe with my parents it did, Just because mom and dad could face everything that came their way. You know, raising children they're excellent. Parents Raised me, taught me the right morals. Yes, it's unfortunately. Some children did not receive that teachings. They're not taught social etiquette teachings. They're not taught social etiquette, Sure, they're not taught morals.

Speaker 2 3:29

Yeah, because along the way in that marriage, mom and dad can see the kids growing up good and that's got to be a real source of good pride. Absolutely, that can be used and built upon, for sure.

Speaker 3 3:43

Yeah, plus, mom and dad would have been married 61 years, just short of 61 years. Dad, of course, had passed away a few months before it would have been their 61st anniversary Okay, right before your 61st okay. Yeah, he was just faithful. I just seen this mother and father that always got along, that were always a couple, that were always there for each other there was never this jealousy between the two of them, which nice.

Speaker 2 4:09

I didn't have to experience that growing up so they both had the right amount of humility. Right, they'd had to have had, yes, the right size, like that, not better or not worse?

Speaker 3 4:18

no, exactly beautiful, it is beautiful. Yeah, I'm glad I got to experience that. You know, know, to have parents like that.

Speaker 2 4:26

Oh yeah, Now, Josh, what do you think?

Speaker 1 4:28

when it comes to that Well more specifically, what do I think about what I'm?

Speaker 2 4:33

sorry. Well, let's think of somebody that's been married a good many years. Yeah, and when you look at their marriage just outside of looking in what appears to you that held them together.

Speaker 1 4:47

The. The only example I can think of is would be my grandparents on my, my stepmom's side. So her folks were married, um, right after the war. So almost 70 years, I think. Wow, yeah, and they both lived quite a long time and they're both passed on now, but I don't know what their secret was. I know they were really quite different people and I think there must have been a lot of you know, I think probably the secret to um getting getting that far and and and staying together that long must be something to do with subverting one's own ego and and and almost making it sort of a sacred commitment to the other by, you know, kind of the, the, the divine, if you will, or the kind of the divine, if you will, the, what's the word? The sacrament that marriage could be is like a form of unblowingness.

Speaker 1 5:54

Because, I know more about how to not succeed at marriage than I know about succeeding at marriage.

Speaker 2 5:59

Well, you've been married twice, but we don't need to go there, that's okay, we can go there.

Speaker 1 6:04

I went there.

Speaker 2 6:05

You. Well, let's say, when you're, when you're married, you know when things were going great. What was it that made it go great?

Speaker 1 6:13

Um, I think, uh, forgiveness, yeah, and, and Forgiveness, yeah, and not taking yourself too seriously and trying to use humor and trying to just be light with things and trying to put yourself first, really, because that's what you do when you're single, yeah, so I think the secret to marriage might be similar to the secret to being a great parent, where your life's over buddy no, just kidding. It's really more about, I think, service and compromise than it is about winning fights and you know your partner is not a competitor, yeah Should be yeah yeah.

Speaker 2 6:57

Should be.

Speaker 1 6:59

But I think, like some of my grandparents, it's sort of funny or ironic or whatever it is. It's sad. People get along better as they age because their hearing kind of goes in their sight and they can either hear nor see each other, and then they get along great.

Speaker 2 7:15

Oh, okay. Well, they look at each other with sometimes they look at each other with eyes that are just saying, wow, we're still together. You know, there's got to be those days where I mean they say that, love, I don't know, after a certain amount of time it does something, a slight fade, but it does come back. At times too, it can come back stronger than ever, right, but there is a fade to it does come back at times too. It can come back stronger than ever, right, but there is a fade to it. And that's just, you know, just getting used to somebody. You know, it's not not the newness of that new relationship where you're all excited, right, that's not going to stay on forever, like you know. Whatever might last, for I don't know what the age is on that is that like?

Speaker 1 7:58

but marrying for chemistry, you know, like your romantic love, is that a mistake?

Speaker 3 8:04

I think the bond is stronger, though like the passion part you know might fade away, but the bond is stronger. There was an article I saw several years ago on Facebook and it showed this couple drinking coffee real old couple, right Drinking coffee, reading the news, sharing the same newspaper and it showed this young couple go God, I hope like we're not like they are that they were separate, sitting on opposite sides of the circular table and then the camera went and it went below the table of the old couple and they were holding hands below.

Speaker 3 8:42

Oh, absolutely so it wasn't what it appeared to be. On top, they were there holding hands, whereas the young people, they were body-wise, they were distant with each other, assuming they still had this mad, passionate love about them. But the older couple, apparently, their bond was strong.

Speaker 2 8:56

Yes, I like that.

Speaker 3 8:58

I like that, seeing that it was pretty cool and they've got more stories to tell.

Speaker 2 9:01

Yes, because stories is what bonds us together, right. Right, yes, it does, yeah, and that's a really good point about the. You know they're holding hands, but it was underneath.

Speaker 3 9:12

Yeah.

Speaker 2 9:13

Yeah, you know the word lust too. It doesn't have to be a bad word, no, the word lust, too, it doesn't have to be a bad word, no. But it does fade, yeah, but when it fades it gives way to other words, like you said, a bonding Right and a respect, yeah, that deep respect. And once that's developed, because a man cannot what do they say? A man, a woman, if she does not respect a man, cannot love him. A man can love a woman If he loses respect. What that is, I don't know, but it's true. So respect is a huge, huge thing to maintain in that relationship, you know, and also you think about it. I can't ever go a show without saying this, it seems like, but sexual polarity is huge. You know, if you're in a relationship, a married relationship, and you come home every night after work and the guy's in his masculine and maybe the wife has a job, job, town, town, and she's intermasculine yet she hasn't switched over and maybe she's not going to, that plays hell on the relationship.

Speaker 1 10:26

She starts harping on the honey-do list.

Speaker 2 10:27

Yes, and that will tear that relationship, because when you have that sexual polarity, what it means is you have a negative and a positive going on. It means you have a masculine and a feminine, and then that car will start every time, and so that is something big, if you know. They say they talk about well, oh, it shouldn't be roles, we shouldn't have to be playing this role and that role. But if you go think right down to it, the successful marriages learn how to play their roles, because you cannot have that sexual polarity until that's understood. I know that I've been involved in that you might be with somebody or whatever, and if they're playing it, if it's the woman, if she's in her feminine, I guarantee you the guy's going to love her, it's going to go smooth. But if she's hanging out in her masculine all the time, the guy's going to go oh man, yeah, she's ordering him around doing this and that. So there's a lot to be said about that.

Speaker 1 11:46

And I know a lot of people don't like to hear it, but it doesn't matter because it's true. It's not romantic and it doesn't. There's no harmony from you know, um making love, I guess.

Speaker 2 11:50

No, you make love with it.

Speaker 1 11:51

It's like you're making love with a guy or somebody of your own clarity yeah, imagine it's not gonna even happen, kind of right like it's hard to be to seduce that person or be interested in doing so, I found when a woman is, as you say, acting this way, yeah, because yeah, I think in marriages my story would be my parents.

Speaker 2 12:19

You'll hear from them at the end here, but viewing them all these years, what I've seen is a lot of and dad will say it right away, it's interesting, he'll say. He'll say, yeah, mom wants to. For years she would always you know, we sell a lot of horses come and go from the place and mom would be like, well, I want to take these horses here and go sell them, or whatever. Dad would be like, well, I want to take these horses here and go sell them, or whatever. Dad would be like, no, just stay home.

Speaker 2 12:46

But what he would do, he would never tell her you need to do this, you have to do that because he knows how she is. She would do it. Instead. He would say, well, I don't think you should, but do what you want to do, or whatever. She would always just kind of like Her rebellious side would turn into teamwork because she knew that it took teamwork. Yes, and so by him saying that that involved the teamwork, not saying hey, don't go there, don't do this, don't do that, no, it's saying you have the freedom to do that, but it might not be the best thing to do, and that worked with her.

Speaker 2 13:28

That's brilliant.

Speaker 3 13:29

It shifts the focus.

Speaker 2 13:30

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 13:31

The whole subject.

Speaker 2 13:34

And I think that, and they just had a lot of commitment, commitment to just team effort, team effort.

Importance of Communication in Relationships

Speaker 3 13:40

I like that yeah. Yeah so one of my sponsors said that he goes, greg, my wife has the freedom to do what she wants to do just because I married her. A marriage certificate is not a bill of sale or ownership papers. Right, it just isn't. They have that freedom.

Speaker 2 13:56

Yeah, when you allow somebody that freedom.

Speaker 3 13:58

They draw in closer to you.

Speaker 1 14:00

Yes, there's no love without freedom. That's a quote anyway, yeah.

Speaker 2 14:06

Because it's like two people If you chase somebody that you want, so bad or whatever, you chase that situation, what's that going to do? Quite often they'll take that person go that way.

Speaker 3 14:16

Yeah, push them away, repel them, but if you give them freedom and allow, they'll walk towards you.

Speaker 1 14:22

Right, agreed yeah.

Speaker 3 14:27

If they like you yeah.

Speaker 2 14:29

So, anyway, we're going to listen to Dan and Sabrina, We'll go ahead and I'll give them a little bit of an intro. But, like I said, they met on Matchcom. He's from here, he grew up here in Iowa City area and she's pretty much. She lives in Kentucky now and I believe she's been living in Kentucky in California. But they met on Matchcom. They talked for three months. They didn't nothing more than that. But you can do it where you can see them and they well, they'll tell you the story. But now they, for their very first meeting, they decided to get married. So they're going to be getting married here in a month, a month, and a half maybe two months, but anyway, pretty soon.

Speaker 2 15:14

And so, uh, we'll see right here what they have to say, so we'll be right out, we'll be back after you. Uh, hear from dan sabrina. Wow, that was you guys think of that? That was all I did was. Yeah, yes, it was and we didn't um we didn't attack sabrina either.

Speaker 3 15:36

No, like josh and I wanted to well well right yeah, no, I'm joking, I know like the taste of shoe leather yeah, yeah, right, yeah. Food. Food in the food in the booty.

Speaker 2 15:51

Well, yeah, you never know what's going to happen. No, I don't know.

Speaker 3 15:55

I mean, I hope it works out for them, but the way it's looking from here it doesn't look like it's going to.

Speaker 2 16:01

Why do you say that?

Speaker 3 16:03

Oh, man, Because of are we still recording, are we?

Speaker 1 16:08

Yeah.

Speaker 2 16:10

Oh, I thought um. We still recording, are we? Yeah, oh, I thought, okay, okay, we'll stop. I gotta get a drink anyway. I'm done.

Speaker 3 16:15

I didn't know. We're still recording. Go hey oh yeah, it's possible.

Speaker 1 16:18

We shouldn't you know, maybe no one will thank us for speaking.

Speaker 3 16:25

Thank you I haven't explored it in so much Get out of there.

Speaker 1 16:29

My head exploded. My eyes are fucking out.

Speaker 3 16:31

I haven't experienced this much pleasure.

Speaker 2 16:34

The gubernatorial race, the gubernatorial, the gubernator, and we're back.

Speaker 1 16:40

Get out of there Blah, blah, blah no.

Speaker 2 16:47

But anyway, yeah Well, we're back, let me see, here we're back. Three, two. Yeah Well, let me see, here we're back. Three, two, one. Well guys, what did you think about that deal there? Personally, I thought that was a good interview. I enjoyed that. I give them a good shot.

Speaker 3 17:04

I enjoyed listening to them Just wishing the best of luck and and hope they realize what they're getting into Lifelong time of commitment, loyalty, love, unconditional love responsibility. And communication.

Speaker 1 17:20

Definitely communication and complete submission to one's wife. Wow. I mean they're committed to communication and to conversation and to faith, and I think those things are, yeah, that's some powerful stuff really. That's if you have access to the inner workings of your loved one and the inner workings, but if you know their mind and feelings, I mean that's.

Speaker 2 17:43

Some people don't even have that. When they talked about the faith, sharing the same faith, being equally yoked, that's what I liked, because a couple can be off in some places and if you're equally yoked, god has a way of straightening things out. You know that's called to me like the X factor. Okay, I wouldn't use that name. But I mean, if you have God and you're equally yoked, he just has a way of smoothing things out. That's my opinion for sure. I know everybody doesn't share that same opinion. That's okay, but that's definitely mine. I know it's Dan and Sabrina's. What do you guys?

Speaker 3 18:24

think about that. Yeah, that's the way I was raised. I remember hearing mom giving relationship advice as a child to people in the church and she would say well, you know what the one scripture says you need to be equally yoked. You're starting a relationship with an unbeliever, with an atheist or agnostic, and you're a believer. You believe in Jesus Christ. I'd be careful about that. Yes, yes.

Speaker 2 18:46

Yeah and that's no. You're exactly right. I thought that was the one. Two big things from that takeaways was that, and the other one is I feel that they really try to communicate.

Speaker 1 18:58

Yes, yeah, as long as the softer spoken partner makes sure their voice is always still heard. I think they've got a decent shake at it, as just about anybody, right? Exactly, I think they've got a decent shake at it as just about anybody.

Speaker 2 19:09

Right, exactly, and that's a good point, because sometimes people can talk, they can communicate, but one of those people might not be getting it all out being heard. So if they both have that equal say, that's the most important. Are you getting equal say, say, because you can communicate, we can all communicate, but are you equally getting that equal say what you need to say and working through? That Is all the data collected.

Speaker 3 19:42

Yeah, are you allowing your partner to be heard, or are they allowing you to be heard as well? Right, that's huge. Yeah, that's huge Right.

Speaker 1 19:50

Otherwise you have a petty dictator and a subject.

Speaker 2 19:53

Yeah.

Speaker 1 19:53

Otherwise.

Speaker 2 19:54

Right. So, yeah, that's what you don't want. But yeah, so, dan, sabrina, nice job. Thank you. Now we're going to go. Yeah, good luck. Oh, absolutely, that's definitely good luck. Absolutely Good luck. Oh, absolutely, that's definitely good luck. Absolutely. And we appreciate them coming on the show. For sure, absolutely. And I got a little couple questions. I asked my folks, my mom and dad. They've been married for 65 years. That's awesome.

Speaker 1 20:21

Yeah, your parents are so cool, I got to say oh, thank you, they are cool.

Speaker 2 20:29

Yeah, I'm definitely blessed with those two and yeah, they know both you guys and they always have good words for you guys. And yeah, they are. And what I notice about them is they just have had such the commitment of marriage and well, equally believers too, equally yoked. And well, equally believers too, equally yoked. Every morning they wake up about well, around 6 or so 536. They're always watching Shepherd's Chapel together. That's a good bit of Christian faith in the morning. They share and they still act like they're teenagers. You know they really do, and that's nice to see.

Speaker 1 21:14

Yes, it is, it's nice to see they keep their sense of playfulness.

Speaker 2 21:18

Yes, yes, definitely.

Speaker 1 21:20

That's nice.

Speaker 2 21:21

Yeah, it is. It is so basically, okay, we're going to listen to them real quick, then we're going to come back. So that was great, wasn't it? Yes, yes, it was.

Speaker 1 21:37

Sorry, what's that crap on there? The vest, if you can just check that out. Oh, I don't know. I don't think it's going to crash the program.

Speaker 2 21:44

It's not doing that.

Speaker 1 21:45

No, there we go yeah, okay that I'm not doing that.

Speaker 2 21:46

No, I wish I would have done that, there we go. Yeah, that's annoying as heck.

Speaker 1 21:50

Yeah.

Speaker 2 21:51

Oh, coming down to three, two, one. Well, that was. Did you enjoy that? I just asked them a few questions just to get their take on it.

Speaker 1 21:58

That does make a lot of sense.

Commitment in Relationships

Speaker 2 22:16

You know we wanted to do a show with just positive things in it for once. You know, just, you know what's it going to take. Basically, you know, and I think when I think of myself, you know what comes, what rises to the very, very top in a relationship. And you know, I've been in quite a few. But I'm going to say that you know, we don't keep trying. We always keep trying, yes, but I would like to turn that trying into just a commitment to trying and staying almost.

Speaker 2 22:32

You know a person, there's always going to be bad parts of a relationship, always going to have that, you know, as long as those parts are not abusive in any way mentally, physically, you know, as long as the other person is trying, as long as the other person knows who they are and knows what they need to work on, you know, then you can have a great relationship. But yeah, I guess for me, what my folks taught me was stay in it, commitment. And if you're going to do it, you know, yeah, the journey, the journey, yeah. And if you're going to do it, you know yeah, the journey, the journey, yeah, because the more you know somebody, the more experiences you have with them, the more times you go down that slippy slide together, the more you fall in love.

Speaker 1 23:26

Yes, slippy slide, yeah.

Speaker 2 23:27

Slippy slide Lawn banana. Well, it's a water park deal, but slippy slide. So any parting comments from you guys.

Speaker 3 23:37

Great show. I enjoyed the interviews.

Speaker 1 23:39

Yeah, I enjoyed the interviews. Yeah, thanks to all the interviewees. Thanks for your help.

Speaker 2 23:46

Yeah, thanks folks, mom and Dad, thanks Mom and Dad, and thanks Dad and Sabrina. So heck, yeah. Well, we're going to call this a show and I'm going to bid adieu for Greg and Josh and myself. I say thank you, listener, you're number one to us, then you take care. We'll talk to you next time.

Speaker 1 24:08

All right, you're going to bid, I do, I do, alright that was good, that's good that's gonna be good and we didn't bash.

Speaker 3 24:20

Sabrina which was cool. My big concern was one of us, myself included, might have a.